Quid Pro Quo
by Random Guise
Summary: A short one-shot of two characters that aren't that much different; Brian Hackett and Roy Biggens. I don't own these characters and the only plane I've physically crashed was remote-controlled.


**A/N: A short between two of my lesser-liked characters from the TV series "Wings".**

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Quid Pro Quo

"Have at it Hackett, you've held yourself back this long - go ahead and gloat out loud before you get a hernia or something" Roy Biggens said from the right-hand seat of the Cessna 402C.

Brian Hackett, half of the brother team that ran Sandpiper Air out of Nantucket's Tom Nevers Field, couldn't contain his wide grin any longer. "Now Roy, would I do a thing like that?"

"In a heartbeat."

"You're right. Okay, for the record: Why does a man who _is_ the competition come to little ol' Sandpiper to get to Boston when he has six planes of his own compared to our one?" Brian almost giggled in glee to have Roy at a disadvantage.

"I had to personally sign for that box back there" Roy said, gesturing to a package strapped into a passenger seat "and my Boston flight was booked."

"So? Bump someone! Don't tell me you haven't done that before."

"I've done it a few times" Roy admitted, although in fact he had done it often if the price was right. "But the whole plane was a group travelling together so I didn't want to break them up."

"Right," Brian said skeptically "must be that big…heart…of yours. What you really mean is it would have been too obvious. So why not take another of your planes?"

"Unlike Sandpiper, we do maintenance on our planes, idiot - unless you think Lowell can change spark plugs at 10,000 feet."

"Interesting thought, but I don't think Joe would go for it. The man will simply not innovate! Sometimes I give up trying, believe me. So, are you going to tell me what's in the box? Special adult movies?"

"No; I get those by mail. Ah, what the hell. I've got a connection to a distillery and it's some samples of some new products they're test marketing. I'm signed up as one of their taste testers."

"What, alcohol has taste? Since when?"

"Maybe if you didn't guzzle it you'd be able to tell." Roy reached back and managed to work the lid of the box open, extracting a pair of bottles. They were very small, marked '50 ml' on the bottom and still had generic labels wrapped around them. Roy screwed off the top on one and took a whiff. "Ahhh. That one's a whiskey, with a hint of oak."

"Come on Roy, let me try one."

"Sorry flyboy, you're in the hotseat." Roy slowly sipped the bottle, but it was gone before too long. "Oh, that was good. Real smooth" he rasped.

"It's small, and I had a meal not too long ago. Give a guy a break; besides, it'll piss Joe off."

Roy considered. "You're on." He handed one of the small bottles to Brian, who quickly unscrewed the cap and smelled the contents of the bottle.

"Ahhh. This one's potent, with more than a hint of irresponsibility." In one quick motion Brian quaffed the contents and coughed. "You're right, that stuff is smooth" he said hoarsely. He toyed with the idea of putting the bottle somewhere prominently on the dash but ended up just handing it back to Roy. "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" he said as he settled back into the seat.

"Now I can see why you got kicked out of the astronaut program at NASA. And all this time I thought it was the story of taking a date to a simulator" Roy chuckled as he shook his head.

"Actually it was neither," Brian admitted "although that part was true; I tried to make her an astronaut apprentice. Twice actually" he smirked.

"All right Hackett, give - what did you do, flunk geography? Forget that the water was the blue stuff?"

"No, it wasn't something I did in NASA at all" Brian said, faking disgust. "Because they insist on doing extensive background checks they found out about a little mistake I made when I was flying in the Caribbean. Do you remember that hurricane that came through about four years ago and wiped out Montserrat?"

"Sure. That was a big one."

"Yeah. Well, I was hired to fly some grain into the island to help the people. Personally I think some beers and burgers would have been better, but they're the ones that cut the check. They put me in an old firefighting plane that wasn't being used and loaded it up with canola meal to fly down there. Well, after leaving St. Kitts and Nevis I plotted a course to the island. While I was flying along I reached over to grab a sandwich and accidentally tripped the release on the doors; it dropped the whole load before I knew it. I had to fight the controls with the unexpected loss of weight and got it under control before continuing to Montserrat. When I got her down on the tarmac I discovered that I was completely empty. Tons of canola just gone."

"I remember that. It landed on Redonda, didn't it?"

"Yeah, that's what they told me later after I high-tailed it back to the states. ALL over Redonda, actually."

"Yeah. They started calling the airplane the 'Canola Gay'. So that was you."

"Yup, I'm the one but you understand how I might kinda forget to put that on my resume. Well, NASA found out about it and...whoa" Brian stopped, shaking his head.

"What's wrong?"

"Just got dizzy there for a second. Anyway, NASA...there it goes again" he said as started taking deep breaths. "Man, I don't feel so good. I take that back; I feel okay except maybe a little dizzy..."

"Good; you had me worried."

"...but it's this damn double vision that's got me worried." Brian squinted at the dials, and tried to hold his eyes wide in an attempt to help after rubbing them. "What was in that drink?"

Roy looked at the bottle. "It's some name I can't pronounce, but I can tell you it's 85 proof. But you only had a small bottle - that won't be a problem, right?"

"Um, it might...I just remembered I took some allergy medication before we left."

"Hackett you idiot! You're going to get us both killed!"

"No problem, I'll just slide over and you can take the controls."

"We can't do that!" Roy said as he started to panic.

"Sure, it'll be easy." Brian tried to stand and fell into the row behind. With a muffled voice he said "See? Now you sit in my place."

"Hackett, I can't...I...I...I don't know how to fly."

"WHAT?" Brian screamed as he lurched back into the seat and took the controls again. "Funny, I don't remember having two of everything over here. Good thing I've got four hands to have a hold on both wheels, eh?. What do you mean you can't fly? I thought you had a license, Mr. Six Planes. What about 'I bring every one of my planes in personally', huh?"

"I do! They just...let me sit in the front when it comes in. I've never flown a plane before; I'm a businessman, damn it. It just looks better if customers think I'm a pilot too."

"Well, today you get to be a pilot or fish food, your choice. Let's just hope it's not both."

"I can't."

"You can. I'm here to talk you through it. I know this plane like the back of my..." Brian started before failing to focus on his hand held out in front of him "...nevermind. I'm going to get up again, _slowly_, and change places with you. Do it Roy." After locking the controls, he slowly got up and carefully moved back to allow Roy to change seats. Sweating, the big man did and sat down with a groan. Brian sat in the right seat and gave up trying to focus. "Okay, we're going to get through this; I've got a vested interest in your success, Roy. I may not be able to see well, but I know my job believe it or not. Now while we've still got time let me go over some things..."

...

Back at the terminal, Roy managed to lead Brian back to Helen's counter where the pilot carefully sat down to wait for his vision to clear; things were only _sometimes_ double now, so as long as things improved he would eventually be fine.

Joe walked out of the office and saw the two before crossing the room to join them. "I was just talking to Walter in the tower and he says Roy brought the plane in today."

"Yeah Joey, I had a little vision problem from that medicine I took. I figured it would be safer if Roy took it in." Not the entire truth, but enough of it that it didn't stink like yesterday's garbage and it matched the facts as Joe knew them.

"I knew something was up" Joe nodded. "Walter said you kind of bounced it when you touched down, Roy. A little rusty maybe?"

"Well, I, uh..." Roy stammered.

"Roy did pretty good, Joey" Brian quickly covered. "He's not used to something as small as our plane, so the feeling is totally different. I thought he did really well to adapt like he did. Maybe you can hire him as a backup and go on a vacation or something."

"Not on your life!" Joe vowed, making a grimace on his face as he turned and went back into the office again.

"Thanks, Hackett" Roy said under his breath.

"Hey, you keep my secret and I keep yours" Brian proposed. "_Quid pro quo_."

"_Et tu_, Brian?" Lowell asked as he walked past.

The End

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**A/N: I never really cared for the characters of Roy and Brian; they were meant to be exaggeratedly distasteful. But they did have their moments, as few as they may be, and this was meant to be in the same vein.**

**I work with commodities, and while logging in samples to the lab came across a bag of canola. The phrase "Canola Gay" popped into my head and I just had to write something short to make use of the play on the name of the (in)famous plane from WWII. It was either Wings or Tales of the Gold Monkey, and I haven't seen the latter show in so long I've forgotten most of it.**


End file.
